143 Days.

Its been 143 days since my first meeting with Staff Sergeant Spaulding. In those 143 days I've lost about 20 more lbs, gained 5 seconds on my flexed arm hang, become able to do push-ups off of my knees, and become able to run a full lap without stopping on the track. It may not be much to some, but it's a huge deal for me. I ran tonight, and it felt really good. Not necessarily because it was exercise, but because I was proud of myself for doing well at it. Hell, even going at all is a huge thing in comparison to how I used to be. Let me tell you about what my life was 143 days ago.

I spent every night awake, until about 0430 on average, some nights not until 0700 when my mother left for work. I had panic attacks all night long. Nobody understood why, and I was convinced they didn't care, because they had no idea what it was like. I couldn't eat or sleep until it was a matter of starving and dehydration, and passing out. I had a lot going on, I'm a teenager. To us I suppose everything is the end of the world, right? Relationships and losing friendships, it's just Hell on Earth when we teens deal with that. I always like to assume I act above my age, but I most likely don't. But I'll save my confusion on whether or not each age actually has a standard in maturity for another night. Anyway, back in those days I kid you not, I did not leave my home ONE single time for at least four months. It was a miserable existence. I spent most nights wondering what in the world I was doing wrong, or what it was I did wrong for any God out there to put me in this situation. Shortly after, I realized my anxieties and stresses came from the time I gave up on my enlistment. I was in a point where I didn't believe in myself one bit. Then came the weight loss. I like to believe God gave me an incredible gift in the weight that I lost, because I'd be nowhere near this point without it. Once I started seeing the changes, I finally returned one of Staff Sergeant Spaulding's many voicemails. I came into the Recruiting Station on January 31st, and from that point forward my motivation rose with the day. Things like being able to run, do a flexed arm hang, even wear a size medium shirt for the first time in 7 years. It's incredible.

If you think you can't, you're wrong. I started writing these blogs to motivate other people who mainly needed to lose weight in general, let alone wanted to enlist in the military. If you're a person that's ever thought you just can not do something, you're simply wrong. When people tell you "I've been there, you can do it!" and you don't believe it, they aren't lying. I never thought a day would come when I would weigh under 220 lbs. Ever. Now I'm on my way to becoming a United States Marine. It's an amazing point in life. I've got problems too, ones that have me in a relentless chokehold right now, but I guess becoming a Marine is just a tad more important. Find what's more important. You've got something, somewhere. Guarantee it.

-The highly motivated, A.Jarrah.